Monday Morning Muster - Memories

**ap1** · 05-12-2006, 00:31

In our new spirit of chat, I thought I would prod some of you to reflect on your service, and recall that Monday Morning ordeal Called "Muster Parade"

If one thing was guaranteed to scare your average fusilier ****less, it was wondering whether you could get through the parade without getting jailed. Who can forget the joys of the Concrete Dustbin in Lemgo.

Remember the Mouse, most monday mornings " Sgt Major No1 Company, 2nd platoon, centre rank, 3rd man from the right.........he moved, he's bloody idle........lock him away!!!!!!

If it wasn't your platoon the RSM had nailed, you could afford to wallow in the accused platoons misfortune. If it was your platoon, you could read the fear in your platoon sgts eyes, as he desperately searched for the offending "Idle Individual" amongst your ranks, as each one of you counted along the rank to see if you were the offender. Happy days

Any others?

**John Turner** · 05-12-2006, 01:23

Oh man!

I read the title of this topic and BANG! There I was in Berlin, Pl Sgt front centre of the front Pl - HQ Coy .... all alone - ****-all between me and RSM Nick Ravenhill.

Heatwave - plague of wasps - well maybe not a plague - but more than one within one square km, for me, is a plague.

I HATE wasps! I nearly totalled myself on the M40 once when I saw one INSIDE my windscreen - it's a serious phobia and I get a very nasty reaction to stings.

Anyway - suddenly BANG! Stung on my elbow - moved from attention to a crazy blur.

"SERGEANT TURNER _ WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING - KEEP STILL YOU C***!"

OK - OK - I'm cool - I can do this - the CO will be along in 10 mins - another half hour and I'll be away - even breathing, even breathing....

Another wasp, thankfully a small one, makes a beeline (waspline!) for my face...

LANDS ON MY FREAKIN GLASSES!! On the nose bridge - I'm cross-eyed -my bottom lip is jutting out and I'm blowing like **** to get the little ******* off... But it crawls INSIDE THE LENS ... IT's ON MY EYE for Chrissakes.

Oh God - please help me - I was in a church choir once - I would have gone twice every Sunday after I joined up, honest - but, well, you know, commitments and all that - HELP ME GOD!!

Now I'm flicking my head about like crazy, blowing - doing anything but move my arms from my side - my beret is on the side of my face - the angle of the hackle making that even more obvious - I can hear the lads in the platoon behind me ******* themselves - HA! I know - I''l do a smart about turn and jail one of the ****s.

"SGT TURNER - KEEP ****ING STILL MAN!"

Zap - Zap - Zap ... I got stung around the eye about eight times ...

I know - I'll faint - that's it - two guys drag me off - boots scraping along the deck - Oh Yeah - ONE - TWO .... Oh God - I can't do it - when was the last time a Pl Sgt was carried off the friggin' Bn Square.

RSM is starting to go Purple - I do that funny thing where you stamp your right foot behind your left and at right angles to it - God knows what that means - no-one taught me it. Took my specs off, put them in my pocket, adjusted my beret, came back to attention and everything went dark in my left eye as it closed.

The CO chose to inspect our company - that was nice!

No-one even noticed that I looked like I'd just dome 6 rounds with Mike Tyson.

*******s!

taffylooneytoon · 05-12-2006, 01:41

Hi Al , i recall turning up for my first ever bn muster parade when i joined mortars in Turnhill.
Carl Rowland's was plt Sgt, and he recruited me into the army, funny thing was his last words to me when i left for basic was the next time i see in in the bn i will jail you, i just laugh and said i buy that pint when you get me out.
When i was told after Ireland i was going to mortars , i was really chuffed because Carl was plt Sgt, on my first bn muster with mortars we formed up by company offices, i did not even make into onto the square , he sent me down for a work out, he came and got me out at dinner time with a big smile on his face and me with quite a mean haircut that one of civi blocks who worked in water treatment shed. I have not seen Carl since i left bn but i hope hes okay and i still owe him that pint , cheers Val.

**BennytheBall** · 05-12-2006, 09:57

RSM Cooper's favourite(or not so favourites) were the REME LAD boys doing the "Tank Park" shuffle onto the Bn Square on The Monday Morning Muster. I Think he banned the LAD from attending Bn muster in the end. I wonder if he and the REME ASM ever got on?
BTB

ceedoubleu · 05-12-2006, 09:59

Bravo Company in Lemgo was always good for a laugh. Sgt Irvine would mutter derogatory comments about the other Platoons. John Lewis would invariably bite and then incur the wrath of CSM Vic Hughes and 4 Platoon would pay for it.

**dai hood** · 05-12-2006, 10:31

i can remember forming up outside delta block getting ready to go on muster ,when csm wally 15 spots some unfortunate fusilier who was,nt up to wally,s high standards, wally tells him to remove his belt and beret, tells cpl squires to fall out and escort him to the jail they get about ten yards and wally bellows , and jail your f***ing self,you had to be a brave man to laugh out loud, but most of the lads had tears in their eyes holding it in
oh wally 15 such a gentle soul

Glen · 05-12-2006, 10:50

I once drove into camp in Ternhill....taking my cousin to work to naafi.
Only problem was....it was muster parade and i drove into it!!! All i could see was Brian Meah standing with his hand up telling me to go no further. I thought he was taking the p***. Tim was also on the RP staff them days.....so i thought he was having a laugh.
DID I FEEL A FOOL!!!! I could have died

.
Glen

**Thom15** · 05-12-2006, 11:09

I wonder who was the unfortunate guy that decided to shrink and shape his beret first thing one monday morning before muster parade in Tidworth. I remember it was quite a frosty morning and there were all these lovely blue berets and ONE very white one. His hackle was perfectly camouflaged. Perhaps a Forum member will own up to it. I nearly went to jail myself because I just cracked up and could not stop laughing.

**DP43** · 05-12-2006, 13:19

First day back in the Bn after 3 years away (last year in Africa) only had tropicals and jungle boots - which in fairness could have been a bit cleaner, no worries as 2 i/c Anti tanks whos going to see me?????
No one, would have been the answer if CSM SP Coy hadn't been sick. No pace stick, stand in CSM, not really a drill pig anyway. Marched in to the RSM on the square...Don Butts face was a picture.

RSM "Dave, it's a suprise to see you here"......Dave "Not as suprised as I am to be here!!"

I won't describe my marker drill, but I could hear Don saying "for F*ck sake Dai call it a day and stand still.

You see it's not just the Fusiliers who get it in the neck.............but I think I got away with it... no, no really