Sid/Scouse75's Cyprus blog

[Scouse75]

Blog 6:

Good afternoon to one and all, and of course apologies for the late entry. I would love to tell you tales to the contrary, however, option 3 was the correct assumption by uncle Sid. Big apologiess to CSGT Richie 01, the bottle of port is rightly awaiting you the mess mucker!!

Well well well, the Sgts mess Summers ball!! I would like to whole heartedly thank WO2 Jones10(Bean) for a cracking evening. His entry into the mess on a Harley Davison was coolness personified!! I was slightly concerned however, when he had at least 6 photo's of himself on the bike by the official photographer.

I was sat on a great table with the Sen Major(Charlie VW), Bean, Jenny from BFBS!!, Dave 08, Steve Williams and the one and only Stevie 'look how cool I am' Cowap!! The senior Major, when questioned why he had turned up without cash was quoted as saying..."SORRY SCOUSE, IM NOT USED TO PAYING CASH, THE SUBALTERNS NORMLLY PAY FOR ME!!"

Whilst we are on the subject of the Sen Majors illusions of granduer he was even heard to say.."SCOUSE, IF YOU FANCY PLAYING GOLF DOWN HAPPY VALLEY, JUST LET ME KNOW. I OWN THE PLACE. IN FACT, I OWN EVERYTHING OVER HERE!!!" When questioned further on this bold statement, Charlie actually emphasised the fact and said "SERIOUSLY, IT'S TRUE!!" Top bloke.

As you may well be aware, the evening comprised of everyone turning up in GREASE fancy dress. Basically the majority of the male mess members went for the old, white T-Shirt, tight jeans and white socks. Rumours that Don Butts provided half the mess with their costumes are indeed confirmed!! Just to reinforce the fact, the Sen Major confirmed that he phoned Don up and enquired whether or not he had white socks for him. Apparantly Don seemed concerned that he was asked, but eventually admitted that he had a drawer full!!

I must say, the effort put in by all mess members was fantastic. The wives in particular looked great!!!! We were treated to a medley of dances by a local dance quartet who really were fantastic. Slightly concerning was the fact that Don butts knew the name of all the dances that they were doing!!

The dance competion began, and I had the pleasure of being one of the judges, along with Glen Ayres, Jenny(BFBS) and Jo Wendrick. The dancing was first class by all those who participated and judging was quite difficult, with a number of rounds actually going down to a split decision. A special mention should be made to the RSM, Wayne Roberts who, although from Corwen and usually a barn dance enthusiast, coped admirably with the new dance routines!! (sorry Sir!!!)

Speaking of the RSM, I was intigued to hear his wife, Jo, say to me later on "SCOUSE, I KNOW HE IS THE RSM, BUT AS IM SURE YOU WILL APPRECIATE...IM THE C.O IN OUR HOUSE!!!" Jo, I never doubted it for a minute, you are of course from Cefn Mawr!!

The eveing soon passed with great fun had by all. Bean, Dave'air guitar' 08 and Stevie'check my **** out' Cowap all refused to speak to me for the remainder of the evening, due to the fact that I did not put then through to the final!! Sorry boys, it would have been so obvious that it was favouritism seeing as you were all decidedly average!!!

Following the function, the RSM kindly allowed us to go to the Royal Welsh mess and continue our soiree therein!! The remainder of the night passed without major incident. I will admit that I was caught doing drill in the mess and was rightly fined a bottle of port. i was spotted by WO2 Matt Mathias and CSGT 'OZ' Grant who, upon spotTing me, said in unison..."GET THAT IN YOUR F*****G BLOG SCOUSE!!"

A massive thank you to all who attended last night for your fantastic hospitality and friendship, it was an honour to be there with you all. The waiters/waitresses were great and a credit to the Regiment. Rumours that the Sen Major has now been reunited with his wallet are unfounded at the time of going to print. After all....he does own the place, apparantly!!!

Speak soon,

Scouse and Sid

[Scouse75]

Blog 7:

Nothing worthy of note really occcurred yesterday due to a number of reasons. The main one being that everyone was suffering from hangovers!! I was however informed by Heidi that prior to coming on holiday, she had in fact painted Sid's toe nails, to make them shinier when he was out here!!

Sid had yet another lie in today, and when questioned why? he blamed my snoring for keeping him awake all night. I find this rather lame and inadmissable as evidence considering everytime I woke up and looked over at him he was sound asleep!!! Im sure that there will be more to report on by tomorrow morning.

Scouse and Sid

[Dave 08]

i'm home now mate so keep the updates going

[Scouse75]

Will do Dave, see you when I get back.

[Scouse75]

Blog 8:

Day 8 in the Big Brother house and can you guess who was last out of bed? Correct it's old Burnside!! Yesterday saw us venture down to Fusilier Beach. It was totally deserted apart from sid and I. After some relaxing snorkelling we soon got bored and mischeif began to set in!! "LOOK SID, THERE IS A TRAMPOLINE ON THE NEXT BEACH FOR US TO MESS ABOUT ON!!" I exclaimed. Having noticed the sign that said THIS BEACH IS ONLY FOR DECOMPRESSION TROOPS AND ONLY TO BE USED WHEN THERE IS A LIFEGUARD PRESENT"

After a quick discussion and the realisation that they can't RTU us, off we set. We managed to swim out to the trampoline and were quite happy to see a ladder attached.It certaintly helped!! We then set off back to fusilier Beach which was quite a decent swim.

Whilst chilling out in the sea, I decided that I had no real need for my swimming shorts on and decided to bin them for the time being. When Sid enquired why I felt the need to be naked I merely informed him.."COS I CAN!!" We then returned home. It should be noted that earlier in the day, Sid and I were actually trusted to go to Limassol for the shopping. We returned home with Beer, wine, squid and octopuss!! needless to say, that was the first and last time we were trusted with the shopping.

Having returned from the beach, Sid proudly announced to one and all(Well, anyone that was remotely interested) that he was off for 'another' run down HAPPY VALLEY. Although he left the pads location in the jeep, isnt it a little strange that I failed to see him head to Happy Valley on the road that parrallel's the married quarters? Just to make him feel better, we all said we really did believe him that he had been for a run. mind you, with all the lie- ins he has had, he should have ample energy for running!!


During the evening we ventured into Episkopi for a low fat Kebab. We chose a traditional local eaterie and soon saw the error of our ways after we were ripped off!! Sid bid farewell to the owner by shouting at them "HAPPY RETIREMENT ON ALL THAT MONEY I JUST GAVE YOU!!". It's now the following morning and he is still whinging about it!! Stevie Cowap and bean have organised for us to visit the waterpark this afternoon with them. When i advised Sid of today's itinary he replied "IM NOT REALLY INTO WATERPARKS AND SLIDES" Sid, I wasnt expecting it to be some kind of fetish for you, We just thought it would be a good day out. He could not even be persuaded when I showed him the slides on the internet!! I would much rather he just had the bottle to admit that he is scared of the slides and is afraid that he will bottle it in front of the lads!!! I've told him if he does bottle it, it will be between us and the forum and nobody else!!!

Well, im just about to leave and Im really looking forward to the waterpark. Im looking forward to the weight advantage to propel me down the slides quicker than the Army lads!! I will of course try my best not to get stuck in one of the tubes. I thought I had better add that before anybody else.

Standby for next SITREP,

Scouse and Sid

[Scouse75]

Blog 9: As I advised you all yesterday, Sid was too scared to accompany us down the local waterpark. He therefore went to the sea with the family. (apart from his adopted son!!). I travelled to the waterpark with WO2 Jones10(BEAN), Sgt Stevie Cowap and Andrew Roberts, who is the younger brother of the RSM. Andrew has just arrived for a two week holiday. (Living in Corwen, two weeks probably won't be enough though!!).

Prior to our departure, we had lunch in the mess and were joined by the RSM who had come to wave his little brother off!! Whilst at lunch, the RSM informed us of a telephone conversation, he had with Bean earlier that morning:

The RSM had e mailed Bean and informed him that he would be required to provide one NCO to act as 'Regimental Shepherd' in Catterick training establishment. For those of you unaware of the term 'Regimental Shepherd', it is basically a position held by an NCO within a training establishment to ensure the welfare needs of the Battalions future Fusiliers are being met. I believe that they also act as a point of contact between the Recruits and the Battalion. Now, I know for a fact that if many of us had no idea whatsoever what the position entailed, then we could of course be forgiven. After all, why should we, it is a relatively new concept. And it's inception had come about long after many of us had left the Battalion. However, surely a serving Company Sergeant Major should have some idea as to it's general meaning!! Therefore the RSM was somewhat suprised to receive the following telephone query from CSM BEAN;

"SIR, IM NOT BEING FUNNY, BUT I NEED TO SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT THIS REGIMENATAL SHEPHERD YOU NEED ME TO NOMINATE. IM A BIT STRAPPED FOR NCO'S AT THE MOMENT, AND I DON'T THINK ANY OF THEM WANT TO LOOK AFTER THE GOAT. AND ANYWAY, ISNT THE REGIMENTAL GOAT IN CARDIFF AND NOT CATTERICK?!!"

After a short silence and the realisation that Bean was not in fact taking the p**s, the RSM kindly explained the ethos to Bean. Bean, just a quick one mate. If I am going to continue giving people from Corwen some light hearted abuse(RSM included), please remember that you should not undermine the good people of Llangollen!!!

We soon left for the waterpark, of course it is not true that Andrew had his brother's MOD Form 90 for cheaper entry, although he looks more like the picture than the RSM does!! Upon arriving at the park, it was towels down and straight onto the slides. Whilst stevie Cowap was applying tanning lotion, Bean had the audacity to say "GOD, STEVE, YOU'RE SUCH A POSER!!". For those regular blog readers, you will realise that this is an extreme case of POT/KETTLE, etc!!

I must admit that one slide was rather scary. It was the black hole slide, in which Stevie and I went down backwards on a rubber tube whilst in complete darkness. It was totally disorientating and a bit uncomforable!! However, rumours that I shouted..."STEVE, I DON'T LIKE IT, I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM" are totally fabricated and exaggerated. (Well, sort of!!). Mind you, the above words were often used by Sid during night NAVEX's throughout his career!! The final incident of note was when Bean thought we had not seen him trip over his inflatable *rse, sorry, I mean ring, in front of loads of girls. Oh how we laughed at him, and how he sulked!!!

On returning home Sid rushed out to see me, like a young child with something brilliant to say..."SCOUSE, SCOUSE, I FOUND A DEAD BAT IN THE SEA, AND IT WAS THIS BIG!!"(holding his arms ourt wide to indicate 2 foot long) . His excitement however was short-lived when Heidi walked passed and said "JASON, IT WASN'T THAT BIG. BUT DON'T WORRY SCOUSE, HE IS FOREVER LYING ABOUT THE LENGTH OF THINGS!!". The look on his face was priceless.

Heidi and Joanna then kindly cooked the Squid and Octopuss that Sid and I had bought the other day. I kindly kept out of the way of the kitchen, whilst Sid shouted the odd bit of advice to the girls, as if he was Rick Stein!! It is now official, we are no longer allowed to go shopping unaccompanied again!

Worthy of note is the incident when Sid was sat on the patio and Joanna's next door neighbour pulled up in his car after work. Never one to resist the opportunity to tell everyone that our warrant cards still work over here(!!), Sid shouts over "Oi, GET YOUR SEATBELT ON, THAT WOULD COST YOU THIRTY QUID AT HOME!!!" It's a pity Sid isn't that keen when we are actually in work, and not on holiday!!.

Sid is also over the moon that he has stolen his son in law's army issue sandals!! He even said "LOOK SCOUSE, THEY EVEN HAVE A NATO STOCK NUMBER ON THEM, MAYBE BIG BROTHER LARRY CAN GET US REPLACEMENTS WHEN WE NEED THEM!!"

Sid and I are off for a jeep ride somewhere now, Im sure he wll come out with plenty of comments worthy of the blog. Especially as we are out for beers tonight as well !!

Scouse and Sid

[DP43]

Scouse in all the blogs I've read I just wanted to know, for all his posing does Bean still have his bergan asre? Result mate cheers. LOL PS. Sorry Tony couldn't resist.

[Bean10]

Scouse in all the blogs I've read I just wanted to know, for all his posing does Bean still have his bergan asre? Result mate cheers. LOL PS. Sorry Tony couldn't resist.

Dave no offence taking!! Its actually a bit slimmer these days mate, however as i keep tellin everyone, im just big boned!

[Bean10]

Paul, you know i was only joking about the shepard bit, I knew th Reg goat was in Cardiff lol!!!!

[Scouse75]

Blog 10:

Good morning all, and its a sunny 35 over here on the Island in the Med. As I look over to my left hand side, I feel I may as well be back in Wrexham. Sid is sat on the chair talking absolute drivel, whilst Aunty Heidi is ironing and shaking her head at everything Sid says!!

Sid and I decided to actually leave the camp and its surrounding ameneties and drive down to Paphos. The more avid readers of the blog will recall that Sid does not do culture, and all of my attempts to coax him into embracing the local history have all been in vain. However, on route to paphos, Sid amazed me by being able to point out Aphroditie's rock. Dont get me wrong, it was not an informative visit, but merely Sid pointing it out as we sped past at 80KMPH.(Correct speed limit). As we passed it, I stupidly enquired..."SID, THAT APHRODITIE, WAS IT A BLOKE OR A BIRD?!!". This was all Sid needed to berate me all the way down to Paphos. "SCOUSE, SO MUCH FOR BEING EDUCATED, YOU THICK GIT.BLAH BLAH BLAH!!" I put on a brave smile, but deep down I was gutted at my own faux pas!

Whilst enjoying a cold beer in Paphos harbour, my mind drifted back to the mess function dance competition. I told Sid that the standard of dancing was actually really good. Sid then went on to tell me that his brother Michael and his wife Betty were really good 'Jivers' in their day. Instantly spotting an opportunity to lure Sid into a silly comment, I tempted him with..."DID YOU KNOW SID, THAT BEING A GOOD DANCER IS IN YOUR GENES?" The bait was set, and without letting me down, Sid piped up with..."YES, YOU ARE RIGHT SCOUSE, I COME FROM A FAMILY OF DANCERS!!!" The fact that he was absolutely serious only made it even better.

On returning to camp, we made our way to the pool bar for a few beers. Now, on writing this blog I have discovered a few things. When out in comapny, you tend to hone into what people are saying, just in case they say something worthy of a mention on the blog. Yes, in some instances we may even set someone up to say something that they will regret. But every so often, an absolute gem arrives straight in your lap that needs no manipulating or coaxing. This next classic, is one such occurance:

CSM(BEAN) Jones10 arrived at the pool, and Sid had great pleasure in christening him 'Tony Two Combs', owing to his vanity!! We were then treated to a fantastic true story. One of our number had great pleasure in informing us that whilst in Afghanistan, Bean was caught in the shower taking pictures of himself with his camera!!! Oh, this was too good to be true. Whilst the story was being told, Bean was actually in the toilet. On his return we started dropping hints about the incident. Bean did not take long to cotton on and came out with the following, unbelievable explanation..... "OH, ARE YOU ON ABOUT THE TIME WHEN MY CAMERA FELL OFF THE SINK WHILST I WAS IN THE SHOWER, AND IT ACCIDENTLY TOOK A PICTURE OF ME?"!!!! He was totally straight-faced and serious when trying to palm us of with this unbelievable excuse!!

Bean, that is the stuff of legend mate!! The remainder of todays blog would pale into insignificance after the last story, so I will have to end now.

Well, days to do are getting few, but hopefully there will still be a few more memorable moments for us to share with you all.

Take care all,

Scouse and Sid