This is too true!

You know you've been Army Institutionalised when...

• You use target indication to point out hot chicks
• You use the term 'chicks'
• You insist on dancing like a dick, whilst your civvie mates insist on trying to dance 'properly'
• Your civvie mates don't understand any of the terminology you use such as no dramas', 'squared away', 'take a knee' etc
• You can't help saying "Roger", "Say again" and other snappy bits of VP
• You use acronyms thinking your civvie mates will understand what you are talking about
• You don't have any civvie mates
• You cringe, and mutter under your breath 'haircut', when you see men with`long hair
• You walk at a ridiculous pace and are physically incapable of walking at the shopping pace of your girlfriend
• You refer to personal organisation as "admin"
• Your girlfriend is stored in your mobile phone address book as 'Zero Alpha'
• You use patrol hand signals in a night club if people can't hear you
• You always use the 24 hour clock
• Nothing soldiers do shocks you any more
• You can't watch war movies without giving a running commentary
• People in prison have more contact with women than you do
• You don't trust your mum/wife/girlfriend/any woman to iron your kit because deep down you think that your ironing is better
• You point using your whole hand in a karate chop motion
• You find that the conversation somehow always comes back round to you, because you're more interesting than most topics of conversation
• You think not shaving is a treat
• You get really irritated when people you don't know call you mate'
• You can read a junk mail catalogue from cover to cover and refer to everything that is useful as a Gucci bit of kit
• You refer to smoke as 'a double edged sword'
• You spend hours wondering where in civvie street you can get an equal disposable income and at least 6 weeks holiday a year, by completing an inversely proportionally tiny amount of tangible work
• Your blood boils when you see civvies wearing DPM
• Going out on Thursday "international army night out" wherever it may be, or whichever course one is on, involves forming the ring-of-steel, talking about ourselves and the army and aggressively staring at girls; who if they don't immediately come over are obviously lesbians
• Should any man dare break this ritual, and despite talking to the prettiest of girls - as we would like to do, if it weren't for the fact we tend to chew our own tongues and dribble - he is clearly gay!
• You come out in a cold sweat if you find yourself still working after lunch on a Friday
• You have to stop work at 10am for NAAFI break or else you might not make it to lunch
• At least half of your DVD collection are war movies
• Even though your disposable income is twice that of a civvie you still manage to spend it all, every month, with nothing to show for it,about a week after you've told all your soldiers that you 'can't believe how much money they waste on the ****'
• You feel guilty about wearing jeans in front of senior officers in the mess
• The sight of rolling countryside makes you scan for 'enemy depth'
• You think that eating every meal for a week with the same spoon that you have licked clean and put it in the pocket of the same shirt you've worn all week is perfectly normal
• All of your food has to be prepared by a chef because you're not capable of cooking anything that can't either be boiled in a bag or eaten cold
• You lie when people ask you what you do for a living
• When leaving your phone number on a voice message you can't just give it once, has to be repeated
• When surveying open ground (when not looking for enemy in depth) you think, good tank country. If a forestry block - I could get a platoon in here
• You survey open ground
• When you are pointing out some natural feature you begin with "Reference bushy topped tree etc etc"
• Your girlfriend has started saying "admin" and gave you the "Chop" when telling you to put the bin out
• When meeting mates in a pub you always turn up 5 minutes early and are secretly angry that nobody else has
• Worse still, if it's a venue you haven't been to before, you turn up 15 minutes early to put in a CTR, in order that you are definitely there 5 minutes early
• You subconsciously red-pen everything you read.

Oh my god .... all of the above apply!

Chris.

Bad admin on your behalf mate, far to many spelling errors, but very good it killed 10 minutes of my stag.

Cheers

Kev. :biglaugh:

Roger that, Chris, its all true.

brilliant! Funniest thing ive read in a long time...!

Did u lift this from Penguin News ? Saw something very similar in S. Georgia `82.
Still funny + alarmingly true mate.

Nice one, very 'Peter Kay!' I'll be laughing at this for the rest of the week! :-)

......and I'm still looking fo that job where I can get an equal disposable income and at least 6 weeks holiday a year, by completing an inversely proportionally tiny amount of tangible work!!

haha this is so true chris even after being out 11 years i still find myself doing some of these things

OK - guy comes into our shop and asks the way to 'Dappers lane'

My wife takes him to the door and says "Right - where are you parked?"

"Er - just there" (points)

"OK - reverse out and go down that road, past the pub, not that road (points) - that takes you to East Preston - you'll pass a BMW dealer - big place, can't miss it, and then a junction on the right - Cumberland road, then another junction on the right - on a bend - Weavers Hill. Then you'll see an equestrian shop on the right - well - you probably won't - it's a bit set back - but you'll see a horse leaning against a fence - it's not a real horse, it's plastic and it's only got 3 legs - that's why it's leaning against the fence (laughs her head off) but it looks real .... anyway - just opposite that horse is Dappers Lane ..... where exactly on Dappers lane do you want? - we live just off Dappers lane ..."

"Er....."

I butted in ..... "Look right - 50 metres - white Vauxhall astra - seen?" (point with karate chop movement)

"Yes"

(Felt like saying "This will be known as 'coffin dodger' ....." But resisted!)

"OK - up that road - first junction on left - dappers lane - OK?"

"Cheers!"